In my previous post on the topic, I promised a how-to guide on implementing your own token system for rewarding and enforcing positive behavior at home with your children.
Before I get into things, I would like to note that this system may not work for you and your family. That’s ok. All families are unique and have different needs. If this doesn’t work for you, no biggie.
What You Need
1. A Blank Booklet
This can be something you create yourself or something you buy. Ours has 16 total pages in it. One for the cover and 15 for stickers. I did a quick Amazon search and found a lot of great options (use the search term “mini book”). There were several options for 32-page mini books. So you could sub-divide these into two 16-page sections if you wanted to. Lots of options here!
2. Stickers!
This is the fun part, so don’t be afraid to go a little crazy here. You want this to be something your kid can have fun with since they’ll be the ones to put stickers in their book. Find stickers related to their interests and don’t be afraid to spend a little extra here. We also get some “fancy” types (foil, glitter, puffy, transparent, etc.) to liven things up. Whatever you choose, make sure you also get something special that counts for a full-page sticker. It doesn’t need to be a large sticker, just something that will stand for a special “job well done.”
3. Tokens and Storage
Again, we chose to use bread clips, but you can use anything here that works for you. Alternatives could be craft sticks, cotton balls, pennies, buttons, or anything your imagination thinks of. We use 3D printed containers for storing them, but you could use small mason jars, cups, or any other clear container so your kid can see where they are during the day.
Introducing This to Your Family
This doesn’t need to be too drawn out of an event. Set the foundation for why your family needs this, what the expectations are, and what the rewards will be for doing a good job.
When we recently introduced the updated version with our kids, we made it as to the point as possible. We find, at least with our own kids, spending too long talking about any changes can get overwhelming. Keep it short and as positive as possible.
Getting In the Habit
At first, it might be really hard to keep the momentum going if you’ve never implemented something like this before. Your kids may protest…you may protest…but keep at it. When the rewards start kicking in, there should be a shift in attitude if your kids are resisting or hesitant to go all in with you. Again, that’s ok. Negative habits are easy to create. Breaking the negative cycle and establishing good habits is a much harder task.
Discouraging Negative Habits
With the good will almost certainly come the bad. Remember: they’re kids. They will make mistakes (as much or more than us adults) and the point of this system is to replace the negative habits with good habits. When something comes up that you feel has crossed into the behavior you’re looking to do away with, it’s time to take away a token. For our son and daughter, this actually has a very immediate gravity-of-the-situation realization that sets in for them. They realized they messed up and the consequence is felt very quickly. You can use this moment as a time to explain what should have happened—explain what the expectation is for the next time. This is a learning time to ensure everyone is on the same page. You may get some tears, anger, frustration from your kid. That’s ok. Encourage them to do the right thing next time. Remind them that the day isn’t over and that there’s still time to earn a token back. If it’s just been one of those days and you just barely made it to the finish line, well, tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it. 🙂
Finding Good Habits to Reward
The great thing about this system is the rewarding is completely up to you. Do what makes sense for you and your family. Some examples of good behavior and habits we reward for are:
- Picking up toys, surfaces, etc. without being asked
- Having a good attitude towards a work or school task
- Improving on a specific area where there was a struggle before
- e.g. making lunch a pleasant time vs the day before where it was fighting over something
- Trying something new even though it is scary or unfamiliar
The list could go on, but what you reward on needs to be those positive traits you’re actively trying to encourage. Like with the negative examples earlier, if you notice a positive swing in the behavior, reward it! This is what you’re all working towards, after all.
Cashing In
At the end of the day, when you are winding down, have your kids bring their tokens for counting. Something to note is this should be the time to reiterate “good job” for anything you might be trying to reinforce. High-fives, little dances, or some cheering could really go a long way here. Have your kid trade in their tokens for stickers and let them have fun arranging their stickers on the page. We use the honor system and let our kids manage their Sticker Books. The stickers and Sticker Books are right next to each other and so far it has worked out just fine. Obviously, you might need to modify for your situation (especially if honesty is something you’re trying to work on!).
Closing Thoughts
I sincerely hope our reward system works for you or inspires you to come up with something all your own that fits your family. Finding balance in the family is hard. There’s negative influences all around us. It’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind and disconnect from those around us. Investing this time into your children now will set you up for success in the future. It’s not a magic formula, or fix-all. This system is merely a construct to steer your family in the right direction. Use what you can, redefine the rest as you see fit.
If you do end up incorporating something like this into your family, let me know in the comments or send me a message and let me know how it’s working for you!